Well, I don’t comment a lot about what we went through to be a family. I’m not ashamed of it in any way. I’m just passed that point in my life. There’s so much emotion involved when you can’t get pregnant, so many tears shed, so many times questioning your worth and so much stress. Honestly, I’m at peace with it. I came to peace with it the moment our little baby was placed in our arms. I’ve been very inspired by a few friends who have openly talked about their feelings on infertility and adoption, so I decided to write my own thoughts about how our family was created.
We tried for 7.5 years to get pregnant. I found out that infertility was going to be an issue in November 2001. Two weeks later I was broadsided by a 19 year old, college student who ran a red light. We tried a few different infertility treatments, but because I was undergoing so much other medical treatment for the car accident we decided to stop and focus on getting me better. Little did I know that I would have years of rehabbing from the accident. While I was okay to care for a child, actually getting pregnant would have been too much for my body to handle, so we decided to pursue adoption.
I remember the moment we decided to adopt. I was teaching a Sunday School class at church and a lady had a foster baby with her. I felt very inspired while looking at this child that I could love any child as if I had been the one to give birth. When my husband and I got home from church he said to me, “I feel strongly that we need to start the adoption process.” I started to cry and told him about my experience that day. We had always known we were going to adopt at some point, but felt the time was now.
Our journey to find our child was a long one. It took years, a couple of different agencies, and one failed adoption to find our little guy. It was all a learning experience and through each trial we gained new faith and learned things that were not teachable any other way than having these experiences. Some of my most sacred spiritual experiences have come during this very trying time of my life. How grateful I am to have had them. In November 2005 we got a call from a caseworker in Phoenix, Arizona telling us that we had been chosen by a birth mother for adoption. We talked to her on the phone the next day and immediately fell in love with her. We flew to Phoenix 2 weeks later to meet her and her family. We couldn’t believe how we just fit in with them and the great love we immediately felt. We spent the next 6 weeks getting ready for the baby to be born. We went over the adoption plan, found an attorney, figured out-of-state insurance stuff out, etc. It was a whirlwind!!
At 9:00 PM on January 24, 2006 we got a call telling us that her water had broke and she was on her way to the hospital. I still have the message saved on our voicemail. I know it’s weird, but I love hearing the excitement in her voice and it reminds me of the excitement we felt. We were on our way home from the mall when we got the call. We ran in the front door and started packing and working on travel arrangements. We couldn’t get a flight that night, so we flew out the next day. We actually didn’t have a place to stay when we left for Arizona, so the whole way to airport I was on the phone with my sister-in-law as she scrambled to find us something. We got to the hospital at 5:00 on January 25, 2006. Carter had been born at 9:00 that morning. He was the most perfect baby I have ever seen. I immediately loved him. I thought this must be what perfection feels like. But it was also bittersweet because I loved this woman who had given birth to him so much and I knew the pain she must be feeling. I hated that the happiest day of my life was going to be the saddest day of hers. It felt so unfair. I knew her love for him was so great that she would sacrifice anything for him and that’s why she chose us, but it still was so painful. I would have done anything to take that pain from her. It’s probably hard to understand how someone can love someone they hardly know so much until you truly feel the sacrifice they have made on your behalf and on behalf of the beautiful child you now have the privilege to raise. I still can’t even think about that day without shedding tears. The most beautiful thing about adoption is that we got to be part of a process where there were so many willing individuals trying to do what was right for this baby. We truly needed each other for this child to fulfill his purpose here on earth. It was an amazing experience that we hope to be part of again.
On January 27, 2006 Carter was placed into our arms for forever. I have never felt more pain for another individual than I did that day for his birth mother. It was soul-wrenching, but she loved him more than herself and very willingly made the sacrifice. I knew at that moment what a brave, courageous person she was. I cried for her for days after that. I was so happy, but knew it must be so hard for her.
We think about her often and talk to Carter about how she is such strong, wonderful individual and about her incredible family. We tell him often of how much he is loved by both families. We tell him that Heavenly Father had a plan for him and that we believe he volunteered and trusted all who were involved in his adoption enough to know he would get to the family he was supposed to be in. We tell him about how he was brave by coming the route he came to earth and how grateful all of us are that he had the courage to trust us. I see this courage in him all the time. He tells us that he’s not afraid of anything and I believe him. I see his strong will by how much he tests us! I also see how much he trusts us and his Heavenly Father by listening to his prayers. How thankful I am that another mother has allowed me to have this experience. I know that my joy is her joy also and I’m so happy she has allowed us to share it. For many years there were a lot of tears shed, but I know that today I am at peace with what life has given us.
